🔗 Share this article

This year signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal traits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {